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New Orleans Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma was recently quoted as saying that he'd be uncomfortable showering with a gay man in the locker room: "Imagine if he's the guy next to me How am I supposed to respond?

Most gay men have responded to his remark by saying, "Don't flatter yourself" and adding, "We've been showering with you most of our lives, and we know how to be appropriate.

I like those responses, but there's one we're shying away from, and this truth deserves to be said: "Yes!

I am looking, and so are many other gay and bisexual men. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that it's an honor to shower with other men in a locker room, and a privilege to view them -- one that I take very seriously and would never abuse.

If any straight man could enter the ladies' locker room and shower, I'd dare him to say differently. But it's equally true that most gay and bisexual men would never act on what they might be thinking.

From the very first time we had to undress and shower with you straight men, we have learned to be cautious and careful to avoid being humiliated, bullied or beaten up.

In the s, when I was entering sixth grade, my mother told me about gym and that afterward, I would have to shower with other boys. I was never so excited in my life.

But all those titillating and excited feelings quickly ended when I thought about getting an erection in the locker room and being discovered and outed.

I knew that would put me at risk for all types of humiliation and abuse. That's when the tension began. I started to hate gym and would do anything I could to get out of it.

Not that I couldn't control myself. I knew I would never dare to approach a guy, but I couldn't trust my own body not to be get aroused, and I felt tremendous shame at being so transparent, that every guy knew what was really on my mind.

This is a common story that many gay men have repeated to me in therapy, so I know I am not alone. It was pure torture. So I learned to behave appropriately: head up, on my guard, and hypervigilant.

I totally shut down any feelings I had just so that I could make it through gym class and get out. So what's my answer to Mr. Vilma and all the other straight men who feel this way?

Feel flattered. Say "thank you" or simply walk away. But so many straight men can't, because no one has ever taught them how to respond to other men's assertive -- and sometimes aggressive -- sexual advances.

Straight men know how they can act when pursuing women. They know they can be aggressive and not take "no" for an answer. As such, if I've talked to you before, or we know each other if I see you there is a good chance I'm going to stand next to you and strike up a conversation.

I'm just used to it, also I'm confident and don't have any insecurities, unlike some people. I mean seriously do you worry that much that a gay guy is going to get you, seriously homophobic.

Not all gay guys are interested in you, you've got some insecurities don't you? Or maybe you're just embarrassed about something and afraid someone will see?

Either way, if I'm taking a shower across from you, I'm not going to interrupt rinsing the soap off my back just because you're facing the same direction, I don't care about your insecurities, you don't like it, you can turn around.

As far as checking other guys out, yea no shit. Unless we know each other and we are having a conversation I'm not even paying attention to you, if our eyes meet it's a random occurrence and not intentional.

Two things here, first, if you are obsessed with not bending over this way, you are like Tom from the Boondocks show from adult swim.

I suggest you watch the episode he deals with his phobia of being raped. The second being, if you are looking at a guys ass when he bends over like this, your kinda the one with the issue.

Why are you looking, is that what your insecurity is, are you projecting onto others? You really need to get over your insecurity about being naked around other men.

Locker rooms are where men socialize. Pro football players would laugh at your suggestions. We talk, we compare our willies sometimes for fun.

This younger generation is in serious need of therapy. You're seriousseriously so judgemental that you care if a dude is wearing a shower cap?

Some people want to socialize, they can if they want and there's nothing creepy about whistling or singing in the shower, it us all cracks me up so good on the people who do it.

Same experience as ePilgrim. I used to attend a similar gym with a large locker room area, and an open "wet" area with stall showers, hot tub, steam room, sauna, massage room, wash sinks, and toilet stalls.

It was extremely rare to see anyone wear a towel in the wet area, though most carried towels. Nobody wore anything in the sauna, steam room, but they all sat on their towels.

Everyone was naked in the huge hot tub. There were even benches along the wall behind the hot tub where you could sit naked and socialize, of lie down and cool off or doze.

I never saw any gawking or obvious arousals. After a while it's like you just didn't notice everyone was naked. Gym shyness is sort of weird. It's like some guys think every other guy is gay and looking.

Or, we think that we need to have totally awesome bodies like on the movies or we're ashamed of ourselves. I've seen guys glance at my body like they'd look at anything else, like the walls or the floor or my face or chest while standing around or talking with you.

Never saw anybody gawk at my junk or make comments about it. But it's part of me like my great back muscles and height and hairy legs and feet.

What's the big deal? Everyone's parts are either the same or different than everyone elses. No big deal if they see any part of me as long as they don't try to touch it, or like, take a photo I was showering last week in a different gym with an open shower area, and there was another guy showering.

Most of the guys in the morning are just in for a workout and out going to work. The other guy made some comment to a buddy leaving the shower that I could relate to and I chimed in.

We stood there talking for a few more comments, when he mentioned he'd just had a hip replacement. I looked at his hips and mentioned I didn't see any scar, so he turned sideways and showed me a minimally invasive scar on the side of his butt.

I related about a relative needing a knee replacement and we said a few more things, then one by one left the shower.

No big deal. Took only a few minutes. Could have happened anywhere except he wouldn't have been able to show me the scar. What's the problem I don't need to be your intimate friend to be comfortable naked around you.

It's our birthright as guys. Think we need to chill out about about our bodies. Most people aren't interested in looking unless we're really abnormal.

Those who are curious, are mostly just checking out the competition. Anyway, in the US, I think it's a recent thing that guys would feel uncomfortable being nude or seeing other guys nude in the locker room.

In my Dad's high School and many others at the time, the guys gym class all swam naked. Military in the field showers naked or used to. Shouldn't be a big deal.

Unless you're packing 12 inches I guess. But if you are, why would you want to hide it!! I was a member at a large Jewish community center health club for a few years.

The locker room has a large locker area with a walkway to a TV room with chairs. Shower stalls are off the wet room and past the shower stall room is an open shower area.

It was rare to see anyone walk around with a towel or suit. Guys routinely just stood around naked while talking or shaving or a couple guys in the hot pool or steam room or sitting on the side of the hot pool.

Never saw anything like exhibitionism or staring or erections. They just went in to prep for workout, shower, or relax a little before going home or to work.

I think what really matters is the local norm and how tolerant the local group is of anything different. It didn't seem to matter to anyone there when someone walked by with a towel on.

Never heard any joking about stuff like that. First few times I went, I was concerned about getting an erection because I'd not been in an open locker room since high school, but pretty soon got used to it and didn't think about it.

Was really relaxing. They used VERY old little old men. You showered and went into the massage room and lay down on the table.

I asked for a towel for my groin the first time, but noone seemed to have towels when I'd walked in to wait for my turn.

I took the towel off halfway through cause I didn't need it. I agree that most of those rules go overboard like the bending over thing.

Again I think it depends on the local atmosphere. Be aware the first couple weeks. I think if someone has a problem with nudity in these situations, they should do what they feel is comfortable, but if stuff in the locker room grosses a person out, they should probably choose another gym or work on or take a deep look into why they're afraid of seeing other guys hanging around naked.

It's probably something you can get over. When my dad was in high school, they didn't use swim suits in the pool for gym class. The curtains were closed on the pool doors and everyone just stripped naked until the class was over.

No one cared too much what you looked like unless you were way out of the norm. Some of those rules are really kind of prudish.

Don't bend down?

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Most gay men have responded to his remark by saying, "Don't flatter yourself" and adding, "We've been showering with you most of our lives, and we know how to be appropriate.

I like those responses, but there's one we're shying away from, and this truth deserves to be said: "Yes! I am looking, and so are many other gay and bisexual men.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that it's an honor to shower with other men in a locker room, and a privilege to view them -- one that I take very seriously and would never abuse.

If any straight man could enter the ladies' locker room and shower, I'd dare him to say differently. But it's equally true that most gay and bisexual men would never act on what they might be thinking.

From the very first time we had to undress and shower with you straight men, we have learned to be cautious and careful to avoid being humiliated, bullied or beaten up.

In the s, when I was entering sixth grade, my mother told me about gym and that afterward, I would have to shower with other boys.

I was never so excited in my life. But all those titillating and excited feelings quickly ended when I thought about getting an erection in the locker room and being discovered and outed.

I knew that would put me at risk for all types of humiliation and abuse. That's when the tension began. I started to hate gym and would do anything I could to get out of it.

Not that I couldn't control myself. I knew I would never dare to approach a guy, but I couldn't trust my own body not to be get aroused, and I felt tremendous shame at being so transparent, that every guy knew what was really on my mind.

This is a common story that many gay men have repeated to me in therapy, so I know I am not alone. It was pure torture.

So I learned to behave appropriately: head up, on my guard, and hypervigilant. Kea - Thanks for creating this topic! Started reading it on my phone whenever I got stuck somewhere over the past week.

At first I thought it was probably an old discussion but was delighted when I discovered that it was still going. Found this hub with search: 'Why so many hairy men at gym'.

Thought it might be a new epidemic. Recently joined a gym popular with more older guys and could not believe all the hairy backs not to mention backsides!

Here in England you see very few younger guys like that. Seems more common in other parts of the world, except maybe Scandanavian countries, but I've notice there's a hairy guy from Finland on this discussion.

My view regarding etiquette - I'm fairly tolerant of other people's bathroom habits and just mind my own business, but if someone pees in the shower, that IS my business.

I'm also curious about why it tends to be the older guys who tend to parade around naked:. I like to make eye contact in the shower so that I am noticed.

I also offer to help scrub areas others can't reach. Being a good neighbor. Uptight much? A shower at the gym is not your own private space, so you really have no right to dictate rules to other guys.

Maybe you should start showering at home where you can make and obey as many rules as you like. LOL, I found myself made a lot mistakes from your don't list, now I know what should I do, it's a great hub, thumbs up :.

Why are women going into male lockerooms in the frist place is this so they can say they have been hazrressed so they can file a law suit. In America we are all cur,and we are happy with it.

I have wonderful sex with my gf being cut; she likes my penis, and the ama happened with my two previous gfs. At one night stands; the same.

I don't care how you handle your foreskin under the shower:it seemas like a showoff. If your are unhappy with your uncut penis in America, go back to your own countries, where everyone seems to be uncut.

I do the same as you do, I shower naked, use liquid soap and I like to be nude although I am no exhibitionist.

Is it more pleasurable when having sex oris it too sensitive? We don t know much about all this because in the US almost all males are cut.

I go to the gym 3 times a week. I always shower naked and use liquid soap. Since I am uncut,I retract soreskin for washing and soaping, as I do everyday at home when I shower.

But in the gym showers some guys look at me in a sort of amazement,because they are cut and never seen such thing.

They do not look intensely, they glance afew times. I just don't care, I got accustomed to ti, because cleanliness andd hygiene are very important to me.

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